Twenty Years of Practice: Expansion & Growth

You are reading the third installment of my blog series on celebrating twenty years of practice as a professional counselor. In my third act, I begin the process of starting my private practice. By May 2014, I had opened up my practice after seeing the need to make more money, primarily due to being in a long-term committed relationship and becoming a stepparent. I wanted to ensure I could financially provide, and I saw my earning potential as a trauma therapist. I also began to explore other interventions for trauma after getting stuck again with some clients who had complex trauma linked back to early developmental years. 

In this exploration for more professional experience in treating developmental trauma, I had also undergone a miscarriage. This experience led me back to therapy to process the loss. It also allowed me to start taking steps to heal my physical health after the miscarriage diagnosed polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) as the cause. During this round of therapy, I was the recipient of neurofeedback to help with some of my trauma symptoms. Neurofeedback seemed to have great potential to help people reduce symptoms of PTSD and help regulate the nervous system. I decided to add neurofeedback to my new private practice, which allowed for more referrals and clients. 

After neurofeedback, I became curious about adding more tools to offer clients in my practice. I was also becoming more open to making my practice online and offering personal and professional coaching. A colleague invited me to a women's entrepreneur Facebook group, many of whom were trained therapists looking to add coaching or other online services. Many of them became successful, inspiring me to hire my first business coach and see a certified hypnotist. My curiosity around hypnosis came from seeing how many of my clients seemed stuck in therapy due to their defenses that seemed out of their control to change. I wondered if offering hypnosis would help clients overcome resistance and be open to more healing and wholeness. After being a hypnosis client, I began seeing how my thinking was holding me back from success and happiness. I became a certified hypnotist to learn how to encourage clients to relax and free themselves from the mental chains that were preventing their healing. 

Amid business coaching and hypnosis, I began to see my curiosity about spirituality broaden. Many of the women I encountered in my business coaching programs were spiritual, and I was open to exploring all different forms of expression. With my exposure to how changing thinking can become a spiritual practice in hypnosis, I attended some retreats led by my business coach. These experiences helped me have more positive experiences with women in a receptive and supportive setting. Professionally, I took another leap of faith and began training to become a remote energy worker with ThetaHealing. This empowering method was another example of how women modeled a positive experience around healing and recovery.

These experiences built more foundations to become a remote therapist and coach. The professional tools I accumulated also allowed me to attract my ideal clients more efficiently and effectively. As my practice grew, I was able to let go of many of the insurance companies that were paying far below the national average. I was healing my physical and mental health by learning more about how our bodies carry the burden of chronic stress and trauma. But with all my privilege and help, I felt blocked in my ability to receive and give love. It was time to level up again. Next time, I will embark on my final chapter that is still being written.

Twenty Years of Practice: Building & Specializing

My last blog post began a series on twenty years as a professional counselor. In the first four years, I was working in substance abuse facilities, getting my independent license, and realizing that a traditional full-time counseling job was burning me out. I began to exit my full-time job and build a bridge to full-time private practice. By the summer of 2008, I found a part-time counseling job at a DUI center, which could help build my job bridge. I also joined a private practice group to develop my caseload while learning how to do insurance credentialing for the practice. My third part-time job was at the local school district as a coordinator for the district-wide mentoring program. In my free time, I was also a dog sitter. By the fall, I had quit my full-time job. These part-time jobs were my bridge to a better professional future. I was running around from one job to the next, and this feeling of freedom and mobility encouraged and energized me to keep focusing on building my skills for private practice. Despite my varying work schedule, I enjoyed the variety of experiences I had.

After a semester at the school district, I let the job go due to ongoing scheduling conflicts. I picked up weekend work at the local psychiatric hospital as an admissions counselor, another growth edge in learning to use my skills for people in crisis. This season was about building a foundation for more professional freedom. I was connecting with other therapists doing private practice on the side and discovered a colleague who wanted to branch out and start a group practice. My growing skill set in insurance credentialing helped me feel empowered to join my colleague in their group practice, and another colleague joined us from the psychiatric hospital.

Starting a private practice takes lots of work and collaboration. By the summer of 2009, we had secured office space and began seeing clients. We were excited about the new endeavor and pooled our professional connections to market our practice in the old-fashioned way. While social media existed, we weren't using them for marketing purposes. In the previous two years, I had also undergone some personal transitions that had changed my associations with my family and spiritual beliefs. I was already living with my boyfriend and attending Al-Anon meetings for ongoing support and to establish a new community outside Christianity.

By this time, I had been feeling stuck with several clients in private practice. I could see how their struggles with chronic anxiety, depression, or substance abuse affected their lives. While I would be empathetic, validate, and provide coping skills, my efforts felt futile in the face of chronic distress and disease. Even traditional cognitive behavioral therapy didn't make a dent in relieving clients' symptoms.

I attended a seminar in the first group practice held by a colleague specializing in trauma. They were talking about Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and its effectiveness in relieving trauma, chronic anxiety, depression, and even substance abuse. The talk made me curious about this modality, and I quickly referred one of my clients to this therapist. My colleague was gracious to allow me to observe the EMDR session they did with my client, and from that point on, I knew trauma was to be my area of specialty.

I quickly started researching EMDR training and found one in the fall of 2009 while building my caseload at the new group practice. The two-part EMDR training involves practicing the experiential modality on each other in triads. The training was my first exposure to the power of this modality to clear trauma from the mind and body. I distinctly remember my back being damp with sweat after I processed a trauma during the training. I was physically and emotionally tired, but I also felt unburdened and more hopeful. I was ready to help facilitate this healing feeling with my clients in private practice.

In this season of building more freedom professionally, I was experiencing more freedom personally by discovering trauma therapy for myself. I had already returned to therapy since graduate school, mainly to help understand my chronic depression, and trauma helped to explain much of my symptoms that were cyclical. After building up my client schedule in the group practice for most of 2010 while also receiving more relief from my traumas, I let go of part-time jobs and felt more equipped as a professional and a person to continue in my career. Private practice gave me the freedom to take care of myself more often, and I was ready to keep growing and learning.

Next time, I will share how I reached another growth edge as a therapist, entrepreneur, and person as I specialized and branched out into my private practice while also becoming a stepparent.

Deconstruction: Recovering from religious abuse

A new documentary is shining a light on religious abuse. Shiny Happy People: Duggard family secrets highlights a Christian organization (IBLP) perpetuating legalism and abuse. Coming from a religious background, I am familiar with the process of deconstruction. Deconstruction is a term that is often used by people who are exiting legalistic forms of Christianity. However, I like to use the term for anyone who is in the process of questioning, examining, and redefining what religion or spirituality means to them. This can especially be true for clients born into a religious group and learning to claim their own definition of spiritual practice.

While there is no set formula for deconstruction, having a compassionate witness is a great start. For many people in this process, just allowing themselves to question and process their upbringing within religion and their feelings about their experiences can be huge. A significant first step for individuals in high-control religion or cult-like environments is asking questions. Doing this in therapy can create space for an unbiased viewpoint.

As a form of relating and disclosure, I have done my own deconstruction from legalistic Christianity. My formal education in counseling was at a seminary, alongside people training to be pastors and missionaries. While the quality of my education was good, I have had to untangle the associations with belief structures being a part of the counseling process.

While I consider myself a spiritual person today, I also keep my mind and heart open to all expressions, even simply being present in this world. The present moment is all we have, and in exploring everything from atheism to new-age practices, I strive to be compassionately present in all I do.

Trauma therapy for religious abuse can encompass any or all modalities I have to offer, as our process is collaborative and flexible. If you are deconstructing and would like support, please fill out my application here or email me.

Inner Work & Secondary Gains

This post is an older one that talks about how our parts can lead to self-sabotage. If you read my post a few weeks ago about Inner conversations, this post speaks to what can happen when we experience a part of ourselves who isn’t as commited to our healing as we are.

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Simply speaking, our behaviors are motivated by emotion, even if they don’t seem that way.  We take action in order to try and get our needs met. When we can’t achieve this in a positive way, we may consciously or unconsciously resort to inferior methods.

Think about a kid who is craving attention.  First they’ll start off all cute and charming, but if that doesn’t work they’ll likely resort to bad behavior.  Sure, getting yelled at as a result doesn’t sound great, but it does meet their original need, however flawed.

Instead of wondering “why” we do something, instead we can try and look at what we’re getting out of it.  That’s what “secondary gain” is all about. This explains why we do things that don’t seemingly make sense, and may in fact violate what we think we want!  We’re getting some benefit from NOT solving our problem. It may end up looking like we’re not committed, “faking it,” or manipulative, but that’s likely not the whole story.

For example, perhaps I have trouble sticking to my workout routine.  In theory I want to work out because I want a healthy lifestyle. I want a healthy lifestyle because I want to feel good in my body.  But knowing that working out can ultimately help me feel good doesn’t mean I always do it.

Let’s unpack that a little - what could I (or anyone) be getting out of not working out?  Maybe it feels indulgent to go home, sit on the sofa, and order takeout - so in a totally different way I do feel comfortable, and like I’m taking care of myself.  Maybe when I skip the gym and go straight home my husband and kid are really excited I’m home early, and give me lots of extra love and attention. Makes me feel pretty good, albeit in a different way.  Thus, there are benefits from NOT reaching my goal, or overcoming my original problem. Some emotional energy keeps me from making changes, and my “bad behavior” gets reinforced.

Now that we know about this phenomenon, how do we address it?  If most of our secondary gains for not losing weight, eating healthy or reaching our goals are unconscious, what do we do?

Most of the time we need identifying our secondary gains.  After a decade as a mental health therapist I started looking at them in a new way when I trained in hypnosis.  From my experience working with clients I noticed two trends. One group of clients was fully ready to commit to a recovery program, and took the steps to actively engage in their own healing, no matter how difficult.  The other was equally committed at the outset, but would have other issues occur over the course of our treatment that would prevent them from moving forward. They’d get sick, identify some reason they couldn’t keep coming, or simply stall out.

At the time I wrongly assumed that many of these clients simply didn’t want to get well.  I figured if they wanted it badly enough then they’d figure out a way to make it work. I no longer think this.  The vast majority of my clients want to get well. Now I understand that in order to help them we need to look at any deep-seated secondary gains that are going to prevent them from pursuing their healing.

Now that’s where I start with my clients.  It is not uncommon to come upon some internal resistance or discomfort when trying something new.  But now, instead of telling them to “hang in there,” we start to identify their resistance. Typically that looks like a lot of critical or negative internal feedback, hearing messages like, “you’re weak,” “you don’t deserve it,” or “you’re a failure.”  Those voices are often pathways to unprocessed trauma or internalized criticism. Once we’ve found that data we can acknowledge and process it, and support the client in moving on.

While we have the best of intentions when we’re working on our health and wellness we tend to get stuck.  If we’re willing to accept that there might be more than meets the eye then we can identify the additional factors at play, dig deeper, and move forward.  For many of us, addressing secondary gains is a great place to start.

Does this sound like you? Would you like more support in knowing how to work with the parts of you who are self-sabotaging your best efforts? Sign up for my meditations, or you can apply to work with me here.

Psychedelic Therapy & Support

The field of trauma therapy is rapidly changing. Since my trauma specialty began to unfold in 2009, we continue to learn more about how systemic trauma can be to the body and the mind. In my own search for healing, I began to research the use of various native plants to help heal trauma. Growing research by non-profit groups such as MAPS have shown the amazing results of MDMA, ayahuasca and even cannabis on various mental health conditions, including trauma. Ketamine-assisted therapy is already being used to treat depression with amazing results. A link to a more comprehensive list of research can be found here. MAPS is now in it’s third phase of clinical trials for MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for PTSD, and pending FDA approval, will be expanding their access to the public by 2021.

In December 2017, I embarked on my own journey with Ayahuasca, which you can read more about here. Since that transformative experience, my intention has been to position myself as a therapist who can administer psychedelic-assisted therapy once it is approved for medical use. In that vein, I have received further training through the Zendo Project on how to help individuals integrate their plant medicine experiences. In experiencing healing in such an extraordinary state, being able to process these experiences within a supportive community or with a qualified professional is of the utmost importance.

The skills to attend to many forms of extraordinary states of consciousness is something I have been interested in for many years. Kylea Taylor explains these states of mind as “entering through a doorway, awakening from the normal trance of daily life in which our awareness is focused in a different way, so that we can navigate beyond the external and material world or though it in a very different way” (Taylor, 2017). Examples of possible extraordinary states are: dreaming, childbirth, intense grief, during somatic work, and using various plants as medicine.

While we are continuing to see the research unfold, hear the testimonials of the research participants who have found relief from years of suffering, therapists and doctors are getting trained now to be able to offer plant medicine as a legitimate treatment option. If you are a licensed professional interested in knowing more, please let me know! We need licensed therapists, doctors, and clinics who are willing to step up and invest in getting the training, and we can’t do it by ourselves. I am currently looking for prescribing doctors and therapists in Illinois, Minnesota and Colorado who are willing to join a treatment team. I am also listed on the Psychedelic Support website as a therapist who can offer integration services. Check it out!

I’ve linked many of the organizations and research topics within this post, but if you have further questions or would like a free consult on if plant medicine is for you, fill out an application here.
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Sources:
Taylor, K. (2017). The Ethics of Caring: Finding Right Relationship with Clients. Hanford Meed.

Snowstorms & Embodiment

Have you ever been travelling during a snowstorm? The phenomena is something that can test your mental and physical limits. This weekend I was the copilot with a dear friend while we traveled to Michigan, where we encountered snowstorms on the way there and back. As I reflect on how we supported each other through the journey, I was brought to my body.

How do we know when stress has occurred? Very often, we can identify this through our body signals: tight chest, shallow breathing, or a churning of the gut. I’ve been finishing an online training entitled: Toward an Embodied Self. This training is incorporating somatic techniques for therapists who specialize in processing all forms of trauma. In the training, we are instructed to pay very close attention to our clients non-verbal cues, most of which are found in body language.

When we are under acute or chronic stress, our bodies are the best way of alerting us if we pay attention. In my work with clients, many have cut themselves off from their body cues due to their trauma history. The task of reacquainting them with their body can be a slow and gradual process. What is the best way to start this process? By creating safety within the body.

How do we begin the process of creating safety in the body? When my friend was driving through the snowstorm, how did I support her? We begin to talk about and explore resources that can create a positive shift in the body. Examples could be: talking about a pleasant place my friend visited that was warm and sunny (visual), imagining stroking my dogs soft fur (tactile), listening to fun music (auditory), or biting into a crisp apple (olfactory and taste). I also read her funny buzzfeed articles (laughing heals).

When we allow ourselves to pay attention to how our bodies feel when we engage in pleasant resources, there is a shift. Where once there was tension, it has melted away. Where there was once unease, we find our breathing gets easier. We notice the contrast of our stressed bodies with our resourced bodies.

Even though Abby and I were stuck in a car for longer than we wanted, in circumstances that were less than ideal, we made it through. We both consciously and unconsciously resourced our bodies. In the processing of trauma, we are looking for the body to integrate the experience so we no longer carry the remnants of it in our fascia, muscles, and cells. We become more resilient to stress in the future. We become more embodied as a whole person.

If you are interested in knowing more about the process of embodiment, bringing safety back to the body, and more, my coaching services address all these needs. I’m more than happy to talk on the phone about how I can help. Please send me a message and we can chat!