Quarantine Hacks: Compassion

My grandfather was widowed over three years ago, and in an effort to stay busy, he began going to the grocery store several times a week. This got him out of the house that carried so many family memories that often left him crushed by his own grief.

In light of COVID-19, Grandpa Ken has struggled to understand his own risk, and the precautions that have been suggested by the CDC. I was able to see him before our statewide quarantine, and talked with him more about family ancestry. Grandpa Ken loves to tell stories about his childhood working on a farm with his brothers and sister. His heart and mind are transported to a simpler time, and a joy spreads over him. 

During this visit, in which we were joined by my nurse cousin Nina, we made grandpa aware of the risks of exposure in places like his church or grocery store. Despite these explanations, he continues to go to the grocery store more than once per week. In this light, my second quarantine hack is:  

Quarantine Hack #2: Compassion over Judgment

This hack may seem like an impossible task for some and a welcome relief for others. With this hack of choosing to extend compassion to my grandpa rather than judgment, I am choosing to treat my grandpa as I would want to be treated. 

This does NOT mean I didn’t judge my grandpa! I certainly had a few moments where I had the thoughts many of you may have had these past few weeks: “Why won’t he listen? Why doesn’t he get it? Doesn’t he know he’s putting himself and others at risk?”

While national and regional mandates are in effect, we all know people continue to make their own choices over whether or not they put themselves or others at risk. So in choosing compassion, here are some benefits: 

1. I am able to take responsibility for myself: If I am faced with the decision of being exposed to someone who is putting themselves at risk, I am able to make decisions that protect myself and potentially others. I can guide my decisions based on what my comfort level is, rather than whether or not I know a person is “compliant.” 

2. I am able to see the humanity in our quarantine: This virus and quarantine is touching upon our basic human needs of trust, security, and mortality. Many of us may want to avoid these feelings and might find it easier to blame others for our natural anxiety during this time. In extending compassion to others, I am able to see that we are all acting out of these basic human needs. This means our decision making is more impaired and I am able to expend compassion to all humans faced with these fundamental issues. 

3. I am able to see “we are all in this together” in a new light: While I admire this message of quarantine as protection for all of us, there will still be people who won’t comply. Therefore, in the light of compassion, I am able to see that even those who may be judged for their actions (me? my grandpa? you?), are in need of compassion and grace. My Grandpa Ken needs my love and togetherness more than ever. With a compassionate heart, I am more readily able to give him love without judgment. 

Please let me know what you think, share, and stay safe and compassionate friends! 

Snowstorms & Embodiment

Have you ever been travelling during a snowstorm? The phenomena is something that can test your mental and physical limits. This weekend I was the copilot with a dear friend while we traveled to Michigan, where we encountered snowstorms on the way there and back. As I reflect on how we supported each other through the journey, I was brought to my body.

How do we know when stress has occurred? Very often, we can identify this through our body signals: tight chest, shallow breathing, or a churning of the gut. I’ve been finishing an online training entitled: Toward an Embodied Self. This training is incorporating somatic techniques for therapists who specialize in processing all forms of trauma. In the training, we are instructed to pay very close attention to our clients non-verbal cues, most of which are found in body language.

When we are under acute or chronic stress, our bodies are the best way of alerting us if we pay attention. In my work with clients, many have cut themselves off from their body cues due to their trauma history. The task of reacquainting them with their body can be a slow and gradual process. What is the best way to start this process? By creating safety within the body.

How do we begin the process of creating safety in the body? When my friend was driving through the snowstorm, how did I support her? We begin to talk about and explore resources that can create a positive shift in the body. Examples could be: talking about a pleasant place my friend visited that was warm and sunny (visual), imagining stroking my dogs soft fur (tactile), listening to fun music (auditory), or biting into a crisp apple (olfactory and taste). I also read her funny buzzfeed articles (laughing heals).

When we allow ourselves to pay attention to how our bodies feel when we engage in pleasant resources, there is a shift. Where once there was tension, it has melted away. Where there was once unease, we find our breathing gets easier. We notice the contrast of our stressed bodies with our resourced bodies.

Even though Abby and I were stuck in a car for longer than we wanted, in circumstances that were less than ideal, we made it through. We both consciously and unconsciously resourced our bodies. In the processing of trauma, we are looking for the body to integrate the experience so we no longer carry the remnants of it in our fascia, muscles, and cells. We become more resilient to stress in the future. We become more embodied as a whole person.

If you are interested in knowing more about the process of embodiment, bringing safety back to the body, and more, my coaching services address all these needs. I’m more than happy to talk on the phone about how I can help. Please send me a message and we can chat!